Contemplating the Ironman Via E-mail

Rocket: That one legged chick Sarah Reinertsen completed Kona this year in 15:05:12.

Todd: Wow. That is great. She failed the bike last year and missed it by 15 minutes. Cannondale had a bike specially designed for her this year and I bet it certainly helped. If a one-legged women can do it in 15 hours...so can we!

Tom: Dude, that is so not true. One-legged midget lady, maybe. Yeah, I could kick a one-legged midget lady's ass.

Rocket: I'm thinking maybe a no-legged, no-armed midget. I'm pretty sure I could beat a head on a stump but I'm not even positive about that. Maybe we should lop her head off just to be sure. Just the stump, yeah, I think I could beat just the stump...as long as it's not a downhill course.

Todd: Dude that is sick, cold and wrong. I have this mental image of you chasing this stump of flesh down a steep hill and, kicking it in near the end as the stump decelerates, you smile and toss it a glance as you fly by thinking you have NOTHING on me!

Rocket: Pretty much. "Yes, I am a fucking machine" I say to myself as I push past the bloody stump with a bib stapled to it. All I need is an uphill finish and I should prevail.

Tom: Makes a good insult--"dude, you couldn't beat a barrel of flesh down a hill." Except that if you actually had a barrel of flesh and rolled it down a hill, it would be pretty hard to beat.