The maX Files

Steven: I can run really fast.

Max: Yeah. I bend forks.

I overheard that yesterday when Max and his friend Steven were playing. I laughed a bit, first at the total incongruity of Max's response, then at the image of him solemnly selecting a fork-victim from the silverware drawer and, with a look of fierce concentration and determined will, taking it in his two little hands and bending it forward a couple centimeters, then proudly handing the slightly hunched over fork to Steven as proof of his super-human strength.

After hearing this I made a mental note: hide the forks.

This morning I made some eggs after my run (15 mile rave-run in ice, snow, wind--another story). When the eggs were done, I pulled the fork pictured below out of the drawer.

I didn't notice anything unusual until I tried to pick up a piece of egg. Didn't quite work. I took a look and noticed the fork was leaning slightly to the left. Then I remembered Max's comment: "Yeah. I bend forks." But this wasn't your garden variety bent fork. It wasn't bent forward at all. It was bent sideways.

Go pull a fork out of your silverware drawer and try to bend it sideways. Go on, I'll wait.

Right, good to have you back. Now, unless you've got the recycled Shoney's Collection forks they sell at the Dollar Store or part of your daily workout is tearing phone books in half, you couldn't bend your fork sideways. I know I couldn't. And there is NO WAY IN HELL a five year old who still fits in his 3T pants could. At least not by any normal means. Which leaves only one explanation. The paranormal.

Yes, Max is a Spoonbender! (though I've never actually heard of a Forkbender, they must have those, too). You know what I'm talking about? Remember those grainy black and white films you'd see on late night cable shows ("Tales Of The Unexplainable" or whatever) with some pale teenage Russian girl with long straight black hair sitting in a white room with an assistant who holds up a spoon, and the girl appears to bend it using only her MIND?!

I think they even had spoonbending in The Matrix. Remember when Keanu Reeves was waiting to see The Oracle and that little kid was melting the spoons by staring at them? Max is freaking Neo!

This explains a lot.